When men feel lonely, disconnected and misunderstood, their reaction is easily misinterpreted as misogyny, but this is not the case. In fact, it’s quite the opposite!

Some men’s negative attitudes towards women don’t stem from an inherent misogyny, but from something more internally!

In today’s increasingly divided discourse around gender and relationships, a recurring topic is the perception of growing hostility among some men toward women. But what if these negative attitudes aren’t born from inherent misogyny, but rather from something more internal, more human—something like loneliness?

The emotional well-being of men, particularly those in their 30s and 40s, is often overlooked. Our cultural scripts still reward stoicism, self-sufficiency, and control—traits that too often leave men emotionally repressed and isolated. Research supports this: men who conform strongly to traditional masculine norms tend to suppress emotions, and that emotional suppression can correlate with depression, aggression, and relationship dysfunction (Berke et al., 2020; Mahalik et al., 2003).

Here you can hear a sex worker’s experiences with men, and it’s much more than sex, that men desire!

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A Crisis of Connection

Loneliness isn’t just about being physically alone. It’s about a lack of meaningful connection—both with others and with oneself. And for many men, this emotional isolation can be profound.

A 2024 study published in SAGE Open Medicine examined how societal expectations around masculinity often prevent men from forming close emotional bonds. It found that emotional alienation—especially when tied to outdated masculine ideals—can severely impair men’s ability to connect with others (Nordin et al., 2024). These men aren’t just isolated—they’re unsure how to reconnect.

When romantic relationships fall apart, these feelings of detachment can deepen. Left with unprocessed emotions and no roadmap for expression, some men react with frustration or resentment. Rather than seeking help, they may turn to communities—both online and offline—that validate their anger and provide a false sense of belonging.

Misogyny Isn’t the Root – It’s the Symptom

It’s tempting to view misogyny as a self-contained ideology. But in many cases, it functions more like a symptom of emotional pain gone unaddressed. When men are socialized to suppress vulnerability, they’re often left with a limited emotional toolkit. Anger becomes the most accessible outlet—and women, unfortunately, the most visible targets.

This isn’t an excuse. It’s a call to understand the problem more deeply. As researcher David Berke and his colleagues note, suppressing emotions doesn’t make them disappear. Instead, it pushes them inward, often leading to anxiety, depression, or externalized aggression (Berke et al., 2020).

Relationship Expectations Are Changing – And So Is the Fallout

Modern relationships are shifting. Traditional expectations around gender roles, fidelity, and communication are being redefined. For many, this evolution is liberating. For others, it’s deeply confusing.

Men who were raised with a clear (if rigid) script for relationships may now find themselves adrift in a sea of ambiguity. What once felt like stable ground—providing, protecting, staying stoic—no longer guarantees connection or respect in modern partnerships. And without an alternative emotional framework, some men lash out rather than adapt.

What Men Need is Emotional Literacy and Mutual Respect!

So, where do we go from here?

First, we need to challenge the cultural norms that equate masculinity with emotional silence. Boys and men must be taught that expressing vulnerability is not weakness—it’s human. Emotional literacy, like financial or digital literacy, is a life skill that needs to be actively taught and practiced.

Second, we need spaces—both digital and physical—where men can safely explore their feelings and identities without fear of ridicule or shame. These aren’t just therapy rooms. They’re workplaces, schools, barbershops, and even group chats where emotional openness can be modeled and normalized.

Lastly, we must remember that behind many harmful attitudes are unmet emotional needs. If we address those needs—if we allow men to be seen, heard, and understood—we not only help individuals heal, we create the conditions for healthier, more respectful relationships across the board.

Final Thoughts

Men are not inherently predisposed to resentment or hostility. But when they are denied the tools for emotional connection, and instead handed outdated scripts of masculinity, some will respond in destructive ways.

Understanding this dynamic isn’t about excusing bad behavior. It’s about preventing it—at the root. And that starts with seeing men not just as potential threats, but as people who, like everyone else, want to love and be loved, to be understood, and to belong.

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References

Nordin, T., et al. (2024). A scoping review of masculinity norms and their interplay with loneliness and social connectedness among men in Western societies. SAGE Open Medicine, 12.

Berke, D. S., Reidy, D. E., & Zeichner, A. (2020). Thought suppression strategies as mediators between traditional masculinity ideology and externalized depressive symptoms in men. Current Psychology.

Mahalik, J. R., Burns, S. M., & Syzdek, M. (2003). Masculinity and perceived normative health behaviors as predictors of men’s health behaviors. Social Science & Medicine, 56(11), 2201–2209.

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